Julia Ellifritt, LISW-S, Education Director
I joined Cornerstone of Hope 18 years ago, after working in hospice for 20 years. I was the first clinician hired and worked to develop many clinical areas for Cornerstone (counseling, groups, interns, volunteers). I currently hold the position of Education Director, and provide training on grief and trauma at COH and in the community. I have a master’s degree in social work from CWRU, where I also teach Grief and Loss courses.
We are supposed to bury our parents, not our children, and especially not our infants. It goes against all we believe to be right. And yet it happens to thousands of families each year, in all corners of the earth, regardless of culture, religion or socioeconomic status. Losing an infant is simply awful.
I have not lost an infant, and I can’t fathom the devastation of that type of grief. However, I feel very connected to the infant loss community. As an adoptive mother, it is not lost on me that another woman had to make the heart-wrenching decision to give up her child for me to become a mother. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.
Losing an infant means not just grieving them when they are lost but grieving every aspect of their life that you will not experience. You grieve them when they should have started kindergarten, when they should have turned 16 and started driving. You grieve walking them down the aisle at their wedding. And you grieve for the grandchildren that you will never have. It’s an entire lifetime of anticipated loss to experience, and at times can feel overwhelming and insurmountable.
No matter how you lost an infant, you have endured a significant loss. Even though we grieve daily, October is National Infant Loss month, and we are here to honor all of the little ones that we lost way too soon. Please know that Cornerstone of Hope is here to support you on your journey, and offer you hope. Hope that this pain won’t last forever. That it is in fact, survivable. Hope in a loving God that comforts our grief and cradles our babies until we are reunited with them in heaven. Hope in connecting with fellow travelers on this infant loss journey; there is strength in shared vulnerability.
On October 15th in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, bereaved parents around the world light a candle to create a wave of light to illuminate the night in remembrance of their children lost too soon. Cornerstone of Hope invites all who have experienced a pregnancy loss or infant loss (child under age 2) to come together and be surrounded by love and support as you honor the baby in your heart during this remembrance service filled with music, readings and candle lighting. For more information and to register, https://cleveland.cornerstoneofhope.org/events/infant-loss-ceremony-2
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